wat bout pragnant strippers??
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
