so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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