Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
