Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
