We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize