I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
