dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
