I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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