she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
