You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
