you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
