Where is the hickey?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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