The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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