i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
