Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just pee around me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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