I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
