the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone came in the potted fern
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
