i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
