The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
