Don't make out with my wife yet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
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