What a fucking waste of an outfit
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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