Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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