Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it's great music for shaving your balls
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
