I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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