TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
