Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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