What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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