super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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