oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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