Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize