We're facebook friends in real life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
