Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
vagina is talking i cant
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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