The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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