Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
