Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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