the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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