that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize