Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear god my vagina.
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