I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
