ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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