My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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