North Korea, Best Korea!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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