I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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