I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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