i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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