Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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