just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He felt like a one man threesome
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
