What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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