I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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