And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
