Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
