fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
