I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
