I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
