I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There r osticjed everywhere
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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