I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
