my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
