I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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