it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
