He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
