We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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