WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
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It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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