Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think pants incapable of making pants work
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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