he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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